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Post by jk on Apr 16, 2020 4:35:24 GMT -5
This is one I watch at least once a day. Lee Mack cracks everyone up on The Graham Norton Show:
NB: A Bluecoat is a member of the entertainment staff at Pontins holiday camps in the UK.
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Post by E on Apr 17, 2020 4:01:32 GMT -5
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Post by jk on Apr 17, 2020 4:37:32 GMT -5
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Post by E on Apr 17, 2020 6:47:27 GMT -5
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Post by jk on Apr 18, 2020 3:08:31 GMT -5
Here's some more funny-ish stuff I found while ripping up some old diaries:
At a hotel in Ankara:
You are invited to visit our restaurant where you can eat the Middle Eastern food in a European ambulance.
One in Poland:
As for the tripe served you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praises to your grandchildren on your deathbed.
In Rio de Janiero:
Visit the hairdresser in the Sub Soil of this hotel.
At a motoring event on the French Riviera:
Competitors will defile themselves on the promenade at 11 a.m., and each car will have two drivers who will relieve themselves at each other's convenience.
A German hotel replies in response to an enquiry about accommodation:
A vivacious stream washes my doorsteps. So do not concern yourself that I am not so good in bath. I am superb in bed!
In Seoul:
Measles not included in room charge.
In Rome:
Please dial 7 to retrieve your auto from the garbage.
Sign outside Mexican disco:
Members and non-members only.
Slogan on mugs produced by Warwickshire County Cricket Club, who wanted to bill their star bowler "King of Spin":
Ashley Giles - King of Spain
From a Russian chess book:
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
Sign announcing a resort at Iguaco Falls on the border between Argentina and Paraguay:
We offer you peace and seclusion. The paths to our resort are only passable by asses. Therefore, you will certainly feel at home here.
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Post by jk on Apr 19, 2020 3:20:28 GMT -5
Japanese binocular soccer (with apologies to Wata-san):
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Post by jk on Apr 20, 2020 6:11:36 GMT -5
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Post by E on Apr 21, 2020 5:36:01 GMT -5
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Post by E on Apr 21, 2020 5:37:30 GMT -5
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Post by jk on Apr 22, 2020 4:14:14 GMT -5
Ecclesiastical bloopers seen on church notice boards:
Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Beizer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Beizer.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The service will close with "Little Drops of Water". One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
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Post by E on Apr 22, 2020 5:12:00 GMT -5
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Post by jk on Apr 23, 2020 14:10:23 GMT -5
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Post by E on Apr 24, 2020 3:32:50 GMT -5
No idea what happened there:  Keep your social distance! |
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Post by jk on Apr 24, 2020 7:28:00 GMT -5
Condom bagpipe:
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Post by E on Apr 26, 2020 6:33:16 GMT -5
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Post by jk on Apr 27, 2020 5:02:32 GMT -5
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Post by jk on Apr 28, 2020 4:56:20 GMT -5
Men can multitask too!  From The Sketch Show: |
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Post by jk on Apr 29, 2020 4:22:31 GMT -5
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Post by jk on May 5, 2020 7:57:46 GMT -5
Heath Robinson, Learning the Goose Step: First World War (1973):  |
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Post by E on May 7, 2020 14:30:08 GMT -5
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Post by pendlewitch on May 22, 2020 4:53:36 GMT -5
Led here by a Guardian commenter. Go to 4:29 if you can't manage all of it
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Post by E on May 22, 2020 8:38:21 GMT -5
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Post by Mikie on Jun 4, 2020 16:01:50 GMT -5
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Post by Mikie on Jun 4, 2020 16:02:45 GMT -5
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Post by Beach Boys Fan on Jun 8, 2020 1:08:10 GMT -5
Few singer-song title puns: Paul McCartney's car stopped in the middle of driveway, the petrol ran out. Then he sees the neon lights. He goes to check & reads "Bates Motel", goes into the main house to register, the young chap doesn't recognize. Paul asks, "What's for supper?" The youth answers, " Yesterday's scrambled eggs". Paul "Jolly good". Frank was balloted as new senator. He thinks winds of change played the role. or to be exact, summer winds of change. Al Jardine sent me a postcard from California with Big Sur pictures. The lady in black lace introduced the tourists to the guide whose T-shirt read " I am the music man". Bjork is busy at the soundcheck. She doesn't like the theatre acoustics. Says in her cutesy Icelandic accent " It's oh so quiet, people at the back end will not hear". Wendy & Carnie fly to Laplandia. Then they both shout, " Hey! It's Santa! He was in the clip with us" "Yeah, " Hey Santa"! Small world". Mary hops to the evening train to see the newest Sam Pec kinpah. Smb. at the door knocks. " Who's there?" "Kermit frog.  Checking tickets". |
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From The Sketch Show:
Checking tickets".
You're a great person BBF.'' - iluvleniloud about me and I.