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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2018 6:06:00 GMT -5
Just some random moments from shows Ive watched recently
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Departed
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2018 21:53:31 GMT -5
Has anyone seen the new Will Ferrell Sherlock Holmes movie? I have a feeling it will be disappointing but I want to see it anyway, love Ferrell and John c Reilly
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Post by jk on Mar 2, 2020 7:56:28 GMT -5
This is such a strange part of the forum! It's as if everyone who ever posted here has moved on. (That said, pendlewitch did drop in recently.) Hopefully this preposterous cartoon by David Shrigley will raise a smile on somebody's face: I wonder if it's the same Pete as in "TALOYF"?
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Post by pendlewitch on Mar 2, 2020 13:31:43 GMT -5
This is such a strange part of the forum! It's as if everyone who ever posted here has moved on. (That said, pendlewitch did drop in recently.) Ooh, a mention! How exciting! Yep, there's not much response to general stuff. We are Beach Boys focussed!!
But you're doing your best, jk!
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Post by jk on Mar 2, 2020 15:50:06 GMT -5
This is such a strange part of the forum! It's as if everyone who ever posted here has moved on. (That said, pendlewitch did drop in recently.) Ooh, a mention! How exciting! Yep, there's not much response to general stuff. We are Beach Boys focussed!!
But you're doing your best, jk! Thanks for the encouragement, pw. I know, it's my fault--I've been away too long!
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Post by jk on Mar 19, 2020 4:48:34 GMT -5
Here are some jokes by the late British comedian Tommy Cooper:
1. Two blondes walk into a building ....... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...'
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
7 . A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.
8. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'
12. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'
13. A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
16. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
17. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat bastard!'
18. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
19. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking Fine". So that was nice.'
20. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places'. The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore!'
21. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
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Post by jk on Mar 19, 2020 12:53:42 GMT -5
I don't believe this is meant to be funny but I howled with laughter when I saw it:
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Post by jk on Mar 20, 2020 6:25:50 GMT -5
You're not kidding, pw, you folks are Beach Boys focused!
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Post by jk on Mar 20, 2020 16:45:39 GMT -5
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Post by E on Mar 21, 2020 4:02:22 GMT -5
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Post by jk on Mar 21, 2020 5:35:38 GMT -5
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Post by jk on Mar 21, 2020 16:39:57 GMT -5
The following signs have been found in various locations, using the English language somewhat creatively...
Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY. Doctor's office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. Hotel, Acapulco: THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE. Using hotel air conditioner, Japan: COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF. Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLE YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR. Men's rest room in Japan: TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER. On the grounds of a private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION. On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP. In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO. A sign on an automatic restroom hand dryer: DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS. In a Pumwani maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED. In a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES. Sign in Japanese public bath: FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB. Tokyo hotel's rules: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED. Menu of Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR. Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS. Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN. Hotel brochure, Italy: THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE. Hotel lobby, Bucharest: THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE. Hotel elevator, Paris: PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK. Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID. Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY. Hotel catering to skiers, Austria: NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION. Menu, Poland: SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION. Supermarket, Hong Kong: FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE. The Soviet Weekly: THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS. East African newspaper: A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS. Sign in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE. Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE. Ad by Hong Kong dentist: TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS. Laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME. Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES. Ad for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS? On box of clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE. In a Swiss mountain inn: SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM. Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS
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Post by Beach Boys Fan on Mar 22, 2020 18:31:07 GMT -5
Dk who's Tommy Cooper, he's got interesting amusing few humors. Famous English humor? Better than next dumb & snoozy Signs post. People who'd written them must be really ditzy. Thus, ta to share Cooper's stuff.
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Post by E on Mar 23, 2020 10:49:31 GMT -5
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Post by filledeplage on Mar 23, 2020 15:30:47 GMT -5
We do need a laugh with all of these quarantines. Many of us are hunkered down for close to 2 weeks. Keeping a cool head (and a warm heart) and keeping busy is key. I hope to hear from those who are in a worse place than some of us are now to wish them well, and encourage them to keep their spirits high while being on lock-down.
Stay well everyone. ❤️🎹🎼🙏🏻🌹
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Post by Al S on Mar 23, 2020 16:40:26 GMT -5
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Post by Mikie on Mar 23, 2020 18:13:40 GMT -5
You thought it was a joke and so you laughed, you laughed when I had said that losing you would make me flip my lid. Right? You know you laughed, I heard you laugh, you laughed, you laughed and laughed, and then you left, but now you know I'm utterly mad! And......they're coming to take me away, ha haaa, they're coming to take me away, ho ho, hee hee, ha ha to the
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Post by classicshowsfan on Mar 23, 2020 18:20:40 GMT -5
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Post by AGD on Mar 23, 2020 18:33:36 GMT -5
You thought it was a joke and so you laughed, you laughed when I had said that losing you would make me flip my lid. Right? You know you laughed, I heard you laugh, you laughed, you laughed and laughed, and then you left, but now you know I'm utterly mad! And......they're coming to take me away, ha haaa, they're coming to take me away, ho ho, hee hee, ha ha to the And the B side was... ?
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Post by Mikie on Mar 23, 2020 19:07:36 GMT -5
The same song played backwards.
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Post by AGD on Mar 24, 2020 0:26:23 GMT -5
The boy's good. 👍😜
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Post by sneakypete77 on Mar 24, 2020 4:39:02 GMT -5
Phew, glad we've all calmed down. Where are Gary, Barry and Terry when you need them the most?
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Post by jk on Mar 24, 2020 6:30:59 GMT -5
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Post by classicshowsfan on Mar 24, 2020 8:37:23 GMT -5
Where's Home Improvement when you need it?
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Post by filledeplage on Mar 24, 2020 9:07:38 GMT -5
Where's Home Improvement when you need it?
Excellent- I would not have thought of that one! 👍🎈Prime time Beach Boys!
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